Wisdom from 25 years in

Sometimes things happen and the timing is too perfect to possibly be a coincidence.

When Lana of Lana Raquel Photography asked Jeff & Misty Reynolds to model in a styled shoot she was planning at The Venue at Shadow Rock, she had no idea that the couple was only weeks away from celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary.

When given the opportunity to have professional hair & make-up and professional photos taken, Misty quickly agreed, excited for the opportunity and the photos that would commemorate their 25th anniversary.

We, at The Venue at Shadow Rock, were also excited, not only to have them in the shoot and because we love them, but also for an opportunity to ask the couple questions about how they made marriage work for 25 years.

We have dozens of marriages start every year at The Venue at Shadow Rock, and we’re always looking for ways to help and equip our couples. We’re so happy to be able to offer this interview with a couple well known in our community who has made marriage “work” for two and a half decades – the tips, tricks, and things they wish they would have known earlier on.

Before we share what Jeff and Misty had to say, though, we want to be clear that this couple is sharing what they’ve learned on the front lines. There’s been no perfect world or only easy circumstances for them. Great marriages aren’t built in only the good times. Great marriages are built through the highs and lows, the ups and downs.

Jeff and Misty know what it is to have to carve out time for each other and chose one another even when there’s a lot going on. They have six children (three of them in three different area schools), are very involved in the Branson/Hollister/Forsyth community serving on various boards and committees, have two thriving and busy careers (Jeff is a real estate agent and Misty is the owner of Reynolds Design Co.), and are active in their church. Yet despite their very busy, full lives, the couple reports their marriage is better than ever before.

For all the couples just starting out, we hope the following Q & A with the Reynolds gives hope for just how good marriage can be 25 years after saying “I do,” but also provides some helpful tips and solid advice for today as you build the relationship you will have 25 years from now.

Q & A with Jeff & Misty

What's the secret to making it to 25 years?
“Commitment, which is the elimination of options. Investing in each other by regular getaways and dates, prioritizing each other over the kids and work.” – J
“Asking the Lord for help, hands down. Also, having humility to apologize, adapting when personal change needs made, having accountability (marriage counselor, coach, pastor, etc), and having an awareness that “quitting” marriage can oftentimes make life more difficult rather than making the problems go away.” – M

What's the best piece of advice you can share with young brides/grooms?
“Seek to understand your spouse and the perspective they are coming from. Most issues in the relationship are not right or wrong, they are more about preference. When you understand where your spouse is coming from, it gives you the grace to care for them. Be passionate about the Lord and your spouse. Not your opinions.” – J
“Get a third party (professional counselor, marriage coach, pastor, etc) involved early on, to help navigate emotional moments, potentially preventing hurtful words or actions that can cause long-term damage. Others outside the marriage can also help you gain the skills (these can be learned) of truly hearing your spouse and personally adapting to honor them better.” – M

What's one thing you wish you would have learned earlier in your relationship?
“I wish I would have understood that my wife’s heart is like a flower. It is beautiful and smells delightful but can be easily trampled and damaged. I wish I would have been more gentle and not as strong in my opinions. Kindness matters big time especially with your spouse.” – J
“To get help through a professional counselor, marriage coach, pastor, etc. Early on, I misunderstood so much about my spouse, running everything through my personal filter. Through time, I grew to understand why he does some of the things he does...and that his heart and intentions are good. We were just looking at things differently and needed to understand each other better.” – M

What's the best part about being married?
“The camaraderie we share in loving each other, raising our kids and serving the Lord cannot be found in any other relationship.” – J
“Oh goodness. I couldn’t imagine life without him. He knows more about me than any other human on the planet, his daily goal is for me to be loved well, we share the same end-goals of life, and the family we have created together is my whole world.” – M

What do you love most about them?
“There are many things I deeply appreciate about Misty, including her keen sense of humor, her beauty and willingness to take care of herself, and her passion for life. What I would say I love most is how considerate she is toward me and our family. Even though she is running her company and taking care of clients, she never ceases to consider the needs of our family and how we can grow as a family.” – J
“Well, Jeff is certainly easy on the eyes, he has a great sense of humor (don’t tell him that or his Dad jokes will intensify), he carries loads of energy, he has super high integrity in character, and he walks closely with the Lord. Our kids were so blessed to have him as a father as an example.” – M

They make marriage sound like a gift, don’t they? One to be cherished, cultivated, and invested in. And after 25 years of trial and error, learning and loving, cultivating and investing — the family they’ve built, the camaraderie they share, the goals they’re achieving together, is proof that it’s been an investment worth making.

For all our couples just starting off, if we may take the liberty to sum up Jeff & Misty’s advice into a few marriage tips to take away, they would be this –

Stay committed. Eliminate options and realize that “quitting” isn’t going to be the easy way out.

Seek to understand. Love your spouse enough to hear their intentions more than your opinions or esteeming your personal filter more than their heart.
Step back and recognize many issues may not be about who’s right or wrong, but personal preference.
Don’t be afraid to get help, and don’t wait until there’s a problem to do so. Preventing a problem is even more valuable than healing from an issue.
Know the value of a great marriage is worth the investment it takes to make – and keep – it great.